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2017 Trophy Naming Tournament - Final Four
Introduction It's the Super Bowl bye week, the first Sunday since September 4th without a meaningful football game (unless you count the week when the Patriots were on the bye). It is a sad time and will act as a test of how we will survive in two weeks when the season is officially over. When there is nothing to distract us from the harsh reality that the Doomsday Clock is 2.5 minutes to midnight, the closest it has been since 1953. While the country takes a look at Trump's first week as President and slowly comes to terms with the fact that maybe hiring a reality star who refutes factual news articles, has a history of failed businesses and the views of a 19th century plantation owner isn't the most qualified to run an entire country, the fantasy league trudges on. It will take global apocalypse to bring this league down. Either that or Patrick winning the Championship Game. Luckily, we are closer to apocalypse. As for the Trophy Naming Tournament, we are down to four choices. A Cinderella story has ended. A new powerhouse has emerged. In a week we will have a name for our trophy. But before we get to what four names advanced, it is time for me to introduce our next challenge: SUPER BOWL SQUARES. Super Bowl Squares Yahoo has a Super Bowl Squares game set up this season and we are going to take advantage of it. They don't let you do it for money (I guess it's too close to gambling, who knew) so for this year we are going to play for points. Here are the rules: # Everyone gets nine squares. # For those who have never played, there will be rules and instructions on the league page when you get there. Basically you pick your squares, each square gets assigned a Patriots number and a Falcons number at kickoff, if the score reflects those two numbers at the end of a quarter your square wins. EX. if the numbers are Patriots 1, Falcons 3 and the score is 21-13, you won because the ending numbers were 1 and 3. Could be 11-33, 41-3, doesn't matter as long as you hit the 1 and 3. # If your square hits at the end of the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd quarter, you will get 50 points towards the off-season competition. # If your square hits at the end of the 4th you will get 100 points. # If Super Bowl 51 is the first overtime game in history and you hit on the winning score in OT, you will get 200 points. # There is a twist! The Mirror Universe has struck again, and our mirror selves have snuck over to compete against us. There are ten "evil" squares, one for each of us. If your "Evil" square hits at the end of the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd, you will lose 50 points. If it hits at the end of regulation, you will lose 100. If it hits at the end of OT, you will lose 200. # Yahoo does not, however, have a good way to regulate who gets first dibs on picking squares. Nate came up with a good idea for how to regulate (and he is being awarded 5 points for the idea). I will stagger giving the link to each of you over the next few days based on your points against totals in 2016. This, of course, gives Shotti first dibs, followed by two other former LoC champs, which if Nate realized that maybe he wouldn't have suggested the idea. Minus 5 points for Nate for giving Shotti first pick. The rest of the order will be as follows: * Papa - Link Monday AM * Zach - Link Monday PM * Dee - Link Tuesday AM * Jared - Link Tuesday PM * Nate - Link Wednesday AM * Burns - Link Wednesday PM * Eggplant - Link Thursday AM * Patrick - Link Thursday PM * Commish If you don't take advantage before the next person gets the link that's on you. Hopefully you guys are having fun with this and want to keep it going like I do. Elite Eight Results The Eternal Cup of Glory (5) vs. The Big Sack Cup (4) The North had two very close competitions and in the end the favored team came out on top in both instances. The Eternal Cup of Glory surged to an early lead against The Big Sack Cup and never relinquished. The F.A.T.E. (5) vs. The Roger Goodell Memorial Trophy (4) The F.A.T.E. proved itself to be vulnerable this week by narrowly getting by the RG Trophy. Roger led 4-3 with two votes left, only needing one of the final two to win. But when F.A.T.E. took vote number 7 it was up to voter number 8 to decide the FATE of these two names. When reached for comment, voter #8 explained, "I don't want Goodell's name on our trophy." Ultimately, it seems the irony of the name was not enough for some voters, whose hatred for Goodell overpowered the humor. F.A.T.E moves on but looks mortal. The Snapface (5) vs. The Rainbow Sprinkle Cup (4) I suppose all good things must come to an end. And this ending will not be of the fairy-tale variety for The Rainbow Sprinkle Cup. With Snapface up 4-3, voter #7 came in and tied it up, leaving it once again up to voter #8 to decide who was moving on. So the Doomsday Clock has struck midnight on this Cinderella story. What did Rainbow Sprinkle's run teach us about ourselves? If this trophy had a voice, I think it would tell us to never give up on our dreams. To always chase that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. To add extra sprinkles on our froyo. And maybe, just maybe, to believe in miracles. The Salty Dolphin (6) vs. The Full-On Rapist (3) The Salty Dolphin becomes just the second team to win by more than one vote in this tournament. Does that make the Dolphin the new favorite? The Full-On Rapist was a slight underdog in this one by virtue of their name being incredibly insensitive and inappropriate, but considering they had already advanced once there was nothing to say they couldn't pull it off again. Their campaign slogan "grab the trophy right in the pussy" seemed to work for the presidency, but the results were mixed in the Naming Tournament. Now the Salty Dolphin (whose campaign slogan is "eee-ee-eee" might be the new name to beat. The Bracket North Division: South Division: The Final Four There are only three matchups remaining and I have no idea what to expect. None of these options have shown themselves to be unstoppable, so it truly is anyone's game. All four names were submitted by different owners. North Division In the North Division we have a matchup of two teams that were around from the first eight. They have made it through thick and thin to reach each other here in the semifinals. The Eternal Cup of Glory vs. The F.A.T.E. Trophy The F.A.T.E. has accumulated 20 votes and the Eternal Cup of Glory has 15, but don't let that distract you from the fact that F.A.T.E. was close to going down to Roger Goodell in the Elite Eight. The Eternal Cup has taken down Pinkstripes, The Brian Westbrook and The Big Sack Cup, three trophy names that were not given very good odds heading into the tournament. The F.A.T.E., meanwhile, had the cupcake matchup of The Best of the Best sandwiched between tough matchups with The Memorial Trophy Bowl Cup and The Roger Goodell Memorial Trophy. Neither of these names directly relates to the NFL, but F.A.T.E. is the only remaining trophy name that directly relates to Fantasy. I should mention here that The F.A.T.E. is actually "The F.A.T.E. Trophy." I apologize but I have been incorrectly naming it the entire time. The Eternal Cup of Glory comes as a complete package. It says everything there needs to be said. But, it doesn't relate to fantasy or the NFL. It simply relates to all of eternity. Tough choice here for the voters. South Division In the South Division, two more powerhouses go head-to-head after starting their journeys in the Sweet Sixteen. The Snapface vs. The Salty Dolphin The Salty Dolphin took down The Elite Trophy of Excellence, which might make them a favorite if they were to face off against The Eternal Cup of Glory. They also beat The Full-On Rapist, surely a heroic act. The Snapface beat The Goblet of the Gods, an extraordinary act considering how powerful the Gods are in this league. They also turned the Rainbow Sprinkle Cup's LGBT-carriage back into a Pumpkin. Those are two monster victories for The Snapface, but The Salty Dolphin has the voter numbers 11-10. Will the six who voted Dolphin stick with their team in the final four or will someone jump ship, so to speak, and side with the Snap? The Snapface is about football, it's about Belichick, and it is extremely topical. Even after Bill retires we will remember this era with the Snapface. The Salty Dolphin will stay relevant as long as Nate is in the league, which should be around 5-10 more years. I assume at that point his heart will give out and he'll have to retire. But even then, his failures will be memorialized with the trophy. Another tough choice. VOTE One vote. Everybody knows the rules. Voting closes on Monday with results out Wednesday. Enjoy the Pro-Bowl you filthy animals. Vote here